“You saw me before I was
born and scheduled each and every day of my life before I began to breathe.”
-Psalm 139:16
BIRTH OF A MOTHER
And so Indian guru, Osho had
once said, “The moment a child is born, a mother is also born. She never
existed before. The woman existed but the mother never. A mother is absolutely
something new.”
As I continue drawing out
these words, Lea Salonga’s “Ugoy ng Duyan” captivated the atmosphere breaking
through the sound of silence.
With this, I had visualized Mama trying to recall her hilarious antic in giving birth to me, her unico hijo.
“Akala ko noon, nailabas
na kita. Iyon pala NATAE lang ako! Kakambal mo pala ang nailabas ko! At galit na
galit sa akin iyong nurse nung time na iyon.”
And who might even believe
that Mama, throughout these years, have been writing her diary. Her diary of MY
life!
“Tapos noong baby ka pa,
kapag dumedede ka sa akin para ka lang kumakain ng lollipop! Kaya siguro
bilugan yung katawan mo nang baby ka pa. Nang lumaki ka pa, yung mic natin,
kinagat mo lang na parang lollipop. Mahilig ka ring umihi sa higaan!”
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NEW BEGINNINGS
Back then, I have always
stayed inside our house which during those times I have considered a miserable
prison cell. I was a caged bird. And I always know why the caged bird sings. He
sings for freedom, for freedom. Mama had become a teacher, teaching me how to
read, teaching me how to write, teaching me how to count. She treated me like a
grade six. But, I had always sought for freedom as I had always witnessed those
children, like soaring birds, enjoying their company, playing outside.
Yet, I never know how
beautiful Mama had designed my life. I never know this is the most beautiful
decision ever made by Mama. During my first day in kinder, the teacher told us,
“Write your name.” And to believe it or not, I don’t even know what to write
for I don’t even know what the hell a “name” is. The children were busy. I was
running out of time and the paper was still a paper, a blank paper. So I made
up my mind. I COPIED MY SEATMATE’S NAME!
It was really an
embarrassment, a disaster. Moreover, I had always isolated myself from other
children. I was always inside our room, Mama say as ALONE. But how could I tell
I’m ALONE if I was really talking with my imaginary friends during those times?
Mama might even give up
writing her diary of my life, her design for me. But it was such a miracle that
in the following days, that I became an honor student, an outstanding student.
I don’t even notice that these days have already turned into years. I was an
honor student for four years- from kinder to grade three! I was happy but Mama
was probably the happiest person in the stage, in the world!
And until now, I have to
thank Mama not just for teaching me those basics but for giving me this habit,
this character of being someone who has always consider education not as a
world inside a school or classroom but a world which anyone can find
everywhere! I fell in love with education, with studies. It’s because of Mama
initially bringing out the best of me.
I could also still remember
how Mama was chasing my sister, Katkat, and I, of course, with a walis-tambo!
We were always crying for our buttocks had always become newly toasted hot
pandesal. So the next time, I had devised a secret trick. I had shielded my
buttocks with a soft pillow! All I need to do was a little drama! Fortunately,
Mama had never found out my secret… until now! And I hope so.
There was also a morning in which I woke up without Mama, without Katkat in our house. They left the house so early. I was crying for I don’t even know how to survive this lonely day. I was hungry as I couldn’t cook for myself. My tummy was already grumbling for something to fill him up. To silence my world, I slept on the floor, not because I’m hungry of waiting for them but because I’m tired of thinking about them. 11 pm- I woke up in the cushion… and Mama was beside me, where I know I’m safe and secured. I’m not hungry, I was satisfied to see them.
She was also behind me during those times we visit the barber shop for my new hair cut. I used to hate barber shops as they make me fall asleep in the chair. But I can see Mama's smile in the reflection projected by the mirror. I can read her smile saying, "Sige, matulog ka, tiyak kapag gumising ka ay wala ka nang tenga, tiyak kalbo ka na!"
Of all the birthday gifts I
can’t forget, Mama had given me a collection of miniature animal models which I
have put in the aquarium in hope that they will swim along the goldfish! And
during Mama’s birthday, Kat and I had this silly idea of making a cake out of
cupcakes, biscuits, chocolates we have brought from the store! Of course, to
impress Mama, I had bought her a bag, a 50-peso bag made from polymer, in fact
plastic! Mama just laughed without knowing I sacrificed my recess for five
days just for that stuff!
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
THE LONGEST NIGHT EVER
But the most touching moment
I experienced with Mom happened in a night which I could consider as my longest
night ever…
Darkness had roamed the
night as stars seemed to be spellbound by an enthralling slumber. The wind was
whispering its wails as the crickets were somewhere nearby plucking their
guitar. Upon sitting on the wooden bench, I tried to enjoy watching a firefly
carry its torch. We were waiting for someone to come back. Yet, at that time, I
doubt that there would be someone coming…
I had already counted 227
steps walking here and there but I could not tell where Mama went. One thing
was certain that night- that I hated Kat on that eve for I had asked her about
this but she coldly responded, “She would come back soon…” Period. It was a
cold answer that petrified me throughout my backbone. I was thinking of the
possibilities. What if Mama had already packed her up to escape our daily
mischief? What if she had suffered a tremendous death from a car
accident? I was indeed a couch potato.
The clouds were already
wrapping up the moon. Something had left me asking. Did the firefly’s mother
leave her son to die or was it the son who left her mother to die… alone? This
had reminded me of the bittersweet tale of a Japanese tradition called ubasute
on how old parents were abandoned by their children on the mountains to die
alone, on how a mother cut the branches of the mountain trees for his son to
find his way home, on how the son came back to rescue her dear mother.
While trying to recall the
sequence of the story, an old lady came and asked me, “Toto, nasa ang mga
magulang mo? Bakit ka nasa labas sa ganitong oras? Baka ka magkasakit.”
But I just shook my head,
ignored the old lady and ran away until I already found myself holding the
telephone from a booth. Nobody answered. But I could only hear the voice of the
woman repeatedly saying, “Please try again later.” I sighed. I only found
myself talking to the phone, pretending I was talking to Mama, pretending she
was listening on the other line.
With
tears dripping on my cheeks, I told her, “Huwag ka na aalis ulit. Ayoko
mag-isa.” She just
smiled.
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
THE FACES OF GOD
Then Mama’s birthday came
again. This time, I presented her a wallet. But something pierced my heart deep
inside- to see this wallet in a box, not being used, not being appreciated.
However, I also felt this feeling of tempt and guilt to filch some coins or
some bills from her every night she sleep, every time no one’s around. But I
just can’t believe that I looked if there’s someone behind me or someone beside
me without thinking there is SOMEONE above us. This experience had given me
this feeling that there is really someone watching us everywhere...
A time came in which our
family went shopping in SM. As far as I could remember, it was during the
celebration of Valentine’s Day for it was this day that I had begged and forced
Mama to buy a certain red heart-shaped pillow. I was really fond of pillows in
those times of my childhood that I even named them. I even promised to myself
that I would not leave the mall without that pillow on my hands. But while we
were making our way through the escalator, I got lost- still holding the pillow
on my hands.
I cried. There were eyes to
look upon me, there were ears to hear my cry, but not even a single hand to
come around and help me find Mama. I even bumped through a tall foreigner man
whom I recalled as Russian. Then, an old man in white came and brought me to a
“lost and found” station of the mall. I could not trust him for I don’t even
know him. He might be a wanted kidnapper notorious for selling children’s
organs.
But before I could think of
anything soon, Mama came and embraced me like she would never let me go again.
It was embarrassing. It was like a dramatic scene one can see in TV. It was
like a reunion of a mother and her child separated through years by destiny but
found each other again by destiny. On that day, although Mama told me that he
would buy that pillow for me, I refused and said it’s just ok. It was probably
the sign of being a man, of being mature. I really need to grow up. Yes, I let
go. Until now, I was still wondering who that Good Samaritan was. I would like
to meet him soon to show my gratitude on him.
But there was also this
night which I wished would never come again. It was the night in which
Mama had told us a certain dream of hers.
She was in white, walking
upon a bridge, following a man in white. The man told her, “Don’t look at the
back.” But Mama did and to her fear, Death was there. The man told her for the
second time, “Don’t look at the back.” But Mama did again and to her fear, a
devil was there. At last, the man told her, “Now don’t look what’s under this
bridge.” But Mama did and she had witnessed millions of people drowning in a
river of fire, trying to climb the bridge by a thread yet struck by lightning.
The man then opened a door and Mama’s dream ended up into a cliffhanger.
That night, I feared for
Mama. I feared that she might be lost to us anytime soon.
. . . . . .
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EXTENSION
The next chapter of our
lives was opened here in Laguna. I was still trying to adjust in my new school
which has a whole-day class policy starting from 6 am to 3:30 pm. This year had
become my worst year. I was really a number one in our class, number one in
absences as I cut my classes, keeping it as a secret to Mama or else pretending
to be sick so I could not go to school. But Mama found out my dirty secret and of course, I was scolded.
When I was also in grade four, I was thinking if I was really her son. I was doubting it. I maybe an orphan, I may be an adopted child. I may be the son of others, perhaps an aristocrat or a billionaire. Paano kung totoo nga na napulot niya lang ako sa tae ng kalabaw? I tried to leave our house and to never come back. I stayed in my auntie’s house. But then, Mama found me. Angry? Slightly. Worried? Big YES!
There was also a time that I
was so angry to Mama. She had given me a feather duster as a birthday present
for me. But then, I had just learned that Mama’s true gift was not this feather
duster but this sense of responsibility in cleaning our house.
At home, Mama have always
asked me, “Kamusta school?” But I never answered her in detail, just a
single, “ok lang.” I remain silent just thinking, “Hindi ko alam kung
ako ba ang kinakamusta niya o ang school.”
I was already in high school. We were so close and yet so far. Our feelings were drifting apart. But Mama never leaves me, stayed on my side all the time.
She was the person behind my
visual aids. She was the person behind my costumes for our role plays. She was
the person behind my art materials. She was the person behind every research I
need. She was in front defending me as a lawyer when there were issues
surrounding me. She was my nurse during the times I suffered consumption when I
was in third year. She was my nurse who put those towels on my forehead and she was the nurse whose massage I always missed. She was always present during card showing even though she
had a lot of works in the office. She was the woman behind my success. She was
the wind beneath my wings. She always walks a step behind so I was the one with
all the glory while she was the one with all the strength.
Thanks to her, I graduated
valedictorian. I told her in my address, “Kung ano o sino ako ngayon, kung
nasaan ako ngayon, ito ay dahil kay Mama, ito ay para kay Mama.”
And despite my stupid act in
which my sinaing became a lugaw, Mama still gave me this gift I
ever wanted- a flashdrive.
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NOW AND THEN
Today, here I am, a son who
is always the one who buy this and that in the store, a son who is always the
one who clean up the mess of our cats, a son who is always the one to lock the
gate, a son who always wash the dishes in our kitchen sink.
We have always called her
“porky” but in this entry, I would like you to know that you will always be the
most beautiful woman in the world-inside and outside. That if I could just
marry my mother, then I would.
I never saw her tears. But I
always know that she is not really strong or brave, just pretending to be one
and hiding your weak points. That was probably something I have not just
inherited from her, but also learned from her.
My dear readers, the
following paragraphs were some bullet points I would always remember about
Mama.
She has always told me,
“Magsuklay ka nga. Maglagay ka sa likod mo ng tuwalya. Magpunas ka ng pawis.
Wag mong hayaang matuyo iyan.”
She was also talking to the
radio as if the radio was talking to her. She was talking with the cats she has
named in exotic ways. But deep inside, I could feel you talking like “Kausapin
mo naman ako.”
When we were still young,
she used to frighten us with her pustiso.
She had also once this
mistake in which she accidentally use feminine wash as her shampoo. She is probably
tired and out of her mind during those times.
During the fights of Manny
Pacquiao and films of Jackie Chan, she was always jumping on her feet.
She has this sense of awareness when it comes to local and national issues. She will never be speechless in these matters for she believe that opinions never lie. She always know the right or wrong, the cause and effect, the problem and resolution, as she fear this generation, as she care for us, her children.
She would watch horror films with us. But in case of frightening scenes, she would go to the kitchen or to the comfort room or close her eyes, then ask Kat and I, “Anong nangyari?” And as we watch films, she was already sleeping and just wake up at the end when the credits were already showing.
She was afraid of doctors.
She was afraid of the dead.
She was afraid of blood. That every time a cat passed away, I would be the one
to dispose it. She even curse animal cruelty.
She get angry whenever I
don’t answer her text message or call.
She was always tired.
Israel’s Iron Lady, Golda Meir had once quoted mothers, “At work, you think of
the children you have left. At home, you think of the work you have left
unfinished.”
But despite her tiring works
in the office and in the house, she would even bother to cook my favorite ulam
in which I believe was always been her best expertise. She would even ask
how my friends is as if they were her children.
And at the end of day, as she take her rest, she would always tell us, “Ito na ang pinakamasayang sandali ng buhay ko” although we have always heard it from her. She would be silent in a minute, speechless and looking from nowhere, perhaps thinking about her problems, her expenses, her utang, her daily race, her relation with us, her memories, her dreams, her expectations, her budget for the family. her body pain, her role as a mother, her sufferings as a mother which I sometimes hope I'm never been born at all for I'm just another problem in her life, in her paradise. And yes, sometimes I want to ask her about her problem, I want to say I'm concern, I want to say I can lend her my ears and my hands to help, I want to tell her I thank her, I want to tell her I love her.
She would
always hold the remote control after some conflicts with Kat who have always
wished to hold it on her own. She would argue with an idiot character or
actress in the teleserye. She would curse the villain.
She would keep the TV
running as she was already narrating her childhood memories and teenage dreams.
She would then leave the TV still on the run as she was already asleep. I would
turn it off and look at her face. And sometimes, I don’t even know why her eyes
were still open while she was sleeping. She probably want to see my face too.
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
GROWING UP, GROWING OLD
The most
beautiful gift God ever give to mothers are their eyes. When mothers cry, it is
because of love. When mothers open their eyes every morning, it is because of
love. When mothers close their eyes every night, it is because of love. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes because that is the
doorway to her heart- the place in which love resides.
During a Sunday mass, I knew
how Mama was on verge of her tears as much as I did. She is a woman, brave and strong. It was a special day- a
mother’s day indeed. They were reading a passage which if I could still recall
went on like this:
“To my dear child- on the
day you see me old, weak, and weary, have patience and try to understand me.
If I get dirty when eating,
if I can’t dress on my own, please bear with me and remember the times I spent
feeding and dressing you up.
If I speak to you and I repeat the same things over and over again, please don’t make fun of me or get sick of listening to me. Do not interrupt me. Just listen to me. When you were small, I had to read to you a thousand and one times the same story until you went to sleep. When you had wanted a balloon, you repeated yourself over and over again just to get what you want.
When I do not want to have a
shower, neither shame nor scold me. Remember when I had to chase you with your
thousand excuses just to get you to the shower.
When you see my ignorance on
new technologies, help me navigate my way through those world wide webs. I
taught you how to do so many things, to eat the right foods, to dress
appropriately, to fight for your rights.
If I lose my eyesight and
break a plate, I hope you don’t yell at me. If my hearing gets worse and I
can’t hear what you are saying, please repeat what you said.
Then at some moment I lose
my memory or the thread of our conversation, let me have the necessary time to
remember. And if I can’t, do not be angry. As the most important thing is not
our conversation but surely to be with you and to have you listening to me.
If ever I do not want to
eat, do not force me. I know well when I need to and when not to.
And if you have spare time,
I hope we can talk even for a few minutes. I’m always alone all the time and I
have no one to talk to. That even you are not interested with my stories,
please have time for me.
When my tired legs give up,
do not allow me to walk without a cane. Lend me your hand the same way I did
when you first tried your faltering steps.
You must not feel sad,
angry, or ashamed for seeing me near you. Instead, try to understand me and
help me like I did when you were young.
Help me to walk. Help me end
my way with love and dignity. I will pay you by a smile and by the immense I
have always had for you in my heart.
I hope you keep your
patience in me during the last few moments of my life. I’m not going to last
much longer so if the time of my death comes, I hope you hold my hand and give
me strength to face what lies ahead. And don’t worry, when I finally meet our
Creator, I will whisper in his ear to bless you for love me.”
Yes, we are so busy growing
up that we don’t even notice that we don’t even notice that our Mama grows old.
Mama might whisper into
herself, “Some children come into our lives and go quickly. Some children come
into our lives and stay awhile. All our children come into our lives and leave
footprints. And we will never be the same.”
This passage we have heard
from the church reminded me of a story entitled, “My Mother Had Only One Eye.”
This is a story of a son who have always consider her mother as an
embarrassment for the mother have only one eye. The son, throughout the story
hated and ignored the mother. Years passed by and it’s been too long that the
son had not seen his mother. But then, the neighbor had informed him that his
mother already passed away leaving a letter to him. As he read the letter,
tears flowed out from him for it was too late to know. Back when he was a
child, he suffered an accident that he lost one of his eyes. The mother, who
could not see him grow with only one eye, gave him one of her eyes, so proud
that his son could see the world using her eye.
At totoo nga namang kapag
tayo ay gutom, kapag tayo ay nasugatan, kapag tayo ay may sakit, kapag tayo ay
may problema, kapag tayo ay may sumbong, kapag tayo ay nagulat o natakot, ang
lagi nating isinisigaw ay “Inay ko po” o kaya naman ay “Nanay.”
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
LESSONS
I have learned so much from
Mama. I have learned something about cats. She always reminds us, "Kapag
ang pusa, tatlo ang kulay, babae iyon." Whenever there are meetings and I
was still waiting for my companions to
come, whenever there are times that I should fall in line, she always reminds
me that patience is not the ability to wait but it is the ability to keep a
good attitude while waiting.
I have learned to make my text complete, to
avoid inappropriate punctuations and spelling changes, to avoid changing
Christmas into Xmas, to treat every name in capital letter, a name of a person,
a name of a day or month, a name of a place, a title of a particular book,
song, film or tv show.
I have learned to go home early, to sleep early, and to wake up early. I have learned how to cross the street. I have learned how to travel alone. I have learned how to cook rice. I have learned how to wash my clothes. I have learned how to brush my teeth. I have learned to greet every person I know. I have learned to keep my feet on the ground, not to step on anyone’s shadow. I have learned to go to church. I have learned to pray. I have learned to call God and keep my faith on Him. I have learned to ask for guidance, wisdom, health and strength.
I have learned to go home early, to sleep early, and to wake up early. I have learned how to cross the street. I have learned how to travel alone. I have learned how to cook rice. I have learned how to wash my clothes. I have learned how to brush my teeth. I have learned to greet every person I know. I have learned to keep my feet on the ground, not to step on anyone’s shadow. I have learned to go to church. I have learned to pray. I have learned to call God and keep my faith on Him. I have learned to ask for guidance, wisdom, health and strength.
These lines may have been
our Mama’s favorite banats for all times.
I have learned the meaning
of fear and restriction when you told me, “Wag ka dyan. May multo/mumu dyan.
May nangunguha ng bata dyan.” (Meron nga ba? Paano mo nalaman? Isa ka sa kanila
no?)
I have learned the meaning
of anesthesia as you said, “Parang kagat lang yan ng langgam.” (Sana nga.)
I have learned the meaning
of anatomy as you said, “Malayo yan sa bituka.” (Malapit na.)
I have learned the meaning
of diarrhea as you said, “Ano akala niyo sa akin? Nagtatae ng pera? Akala
niyo kasi lagi akong may pera.” (Magbibigay din naman.)
I have learned the meaning
of freezing point as you said, “Bahala ka. Lumalamig na ang ulam.” (Eh di
ipapainit ko.)
I have learned the meaning of initiative as you said, “Di ka pa nagluto. Di ka pa nagsaing. Akala mo dala ko ang kaldero. Baka naman gusto mong subuan pa kita.” (Magluluto din naman.)
I have learned the meaning of
scarcity as you said, “Di ka pwedeng tumayo dyan hangga’t di mo nauubos yan.
Maraming batang nagugutom.” (Pag ba di na naubos, lumpo na?)
I have learned the meaning of expectations as you said, "Galingan mo sa school. Magpakabait ka." (Try ko)
I have learned the meaning of confidence as you said, "Nasagot mo naman ba ang tanong ng titser mo? Nasagutan mo naman ba ang lahat ng tanong sa test niyo?" (Opo, puro mali nga lang.)
I have learned the meaning of expectations as you said, "Galingan mo sa school. Magpakabait ka." (Try ko)
I have learned the meaning of confidence as you said, "Nasagot mo naman ba ang tanong ng titser mo? Nasagutan mo naman ba ang lahat ng tanong sa test niyo?" (Opo, puro mali nga lang.)
I have learned the meaning
of curfew as you said, “Saan ka pupunta? Umuwi ka kaagad.” and “Saan
ka galling? Bakit ngayon ka lang?” (Nagpahangin lang po.)
I have learned the meaning
of first come, first serve as you said, “Papunta pa lang kayo, pabalik na
ako. (San kayo galing?)
I have learned the meaning
of anticipation as you said, “Humanda ka pagdating ko. Makikita mo ang
hinahanap ko. Makakatikim ka. Matatauhan ka.” (Anong ulam? May matitikman daw
ako eh.)
I have learned the meaning
of temper as you said, “Nagtitimpi lang ako sa iyo. Punong-puno ng ako.”
(Bumaha?)
I have learned the meaning
of boiling point as you said, “Kumukulo na naman ang dugo ko sa iyo.” (Bakit
di ka umuusok?)
I have learned the meaning
of interrogation as you said, “Sumaaot ka!” which is sometimes, “Sumasagot
ka na!? Sasagot ka pa!?” (Ang gulo ng buhay.)
I have learned the meaning
of countdown as you said, “Pagbilang ko ng tatlo!” (Tagu-taguan ba ito o
marathon?)
I have learned the meaning
of please as you said, “Pakiabot nga yung sinturon/walis.” (Ikaw ang may
kailangan, ako ang kukuha. Ayoko nga.)
I have learned the meaning
of command as you said, “Dapa!” (May holdapan?)
I have learned the meaning
of time management as you said, “Oh commercial na, gawin mo na inuutos ko.
(Wait lang. Pinapanood ko pa ang commercial.)
I have learned the meaning
of senses as you said, “Gamitin mo kasi yang mata mo, wag kang bibig mo!”
(Nasa bulsa niyo po yung hinahanap ko.)
I have learned the meaning of zoology as you said, “Ay kabayo ka!” (Pag ba may nabitawan ka, kabayo na kaagad ako?)
I have learned the meaning
of companion as you said, “Para kayong may katulong ah!” (Meron nga. Inday!
Maglinis ka!)
I have learned the meaning
of disaster as you said, “Ginulo niyo naman itong nilinis ko! Parang
dinaanan ng bagyo! Maglinis nga kayo!” (Siya rin naman ang maglilinis.)
I have learned the meaning
of hygiene as you said, “Maglibag/magpunas/maghilamos ka nga.” (K.)
I have learned the meaning
of sixth sense as you said, “Makuha ka sa tingin.” (Paano kong di ko nakita
na nakatingin ka pala sa akin?)
I have learned the meaning
of silence as you said, “Pssst..” (Yes?)
I have learned the meaning
of memory as you said, “Ipasok mo sa kokote mo.” (Ma, di na kasya.)
I have learned the meaning
of genetics as you said, “Manang-mana ka talaga sa tatay mo!” or else, “Manang-mana
ka talaga sa akin.” (Bakit pag pangit kay tatay nagmana pero pag maganda
sa iyo?)
I have learned the meaning
of age as you said, “Ang tanda-tanda mo na!” or else, “Ayoko! Ang
bata mo pa para diyan!” (Ang gulo talaga ng buhay.)
I have learned the meaning
of poverty as you said, “Ginagapang ko lang ang pag-aaral niyo.” (Talagang
ginagapang?)
I have learned the meaning
of consequence as you said, “Kapag ako namatay, kawawa kayo.” (Huwag naman po
tayong ganyan.)
To all mother, Mom, Mommy, nanay,
Inay, Inang, mudra, ermat, mamu, madear, ilaw ng tahanan, tanging ina
nating lahat, peace be with you.
. . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
IT IS FINISHED
Every night, I ask myself, “Kailan
ko kaya muling masasabi na mahal ko si Mama?"
Matagal na rin... Kailan na nga ba ang huli? Di ko na halos matandaan. Ikaw, kayo, kailan mo huling nasabi sa iyong ina na mahal mo siya? Isang oras na ang nakalipas? Isang araw? Isang linggo? Isang buwan? O isang taon?
Naisip ko tuloy iyong dalawang flashdrive na ibinigay ni Mama sa akin. Si Mama, tulad ng marami pang ina ay parang isang flashdrive, marami mang virus sa buhay ay kinakaya pa rin. Scan mo naman siya. Iopen mo na rin ang mga salitang "I love you." Isave mo ah. At icopy mo na rin para di na talaga mawala. Kasi once na ieject o idelete siya ni God, o kaya naman ay magkaroon ng brown-out, tiyak na ang buhay mo ay magiging isang blank document na naman, mahirap simulan at mahirap tapusin.
Marami nang utang si Mama pero mas marami na akong utang sa kanya. Ngayon nga ay hindi ko lubos maisip kung paanong marupok at kumakalas na ang kanyang mga buto ay pilit pa rin siyang pumapasok para lang sa amin.
Matagal na rin... Kailan na nga ba ang huli? Di ko na halos matandaan. Ikaw, kayo, kailan mo huling nasabi sa iyong ina na mahal mo siya? Isang oras na ang nakalipas? Isang araw? Isang linggo? Isang buwan? O isang taon?
Naisip ko tuloy iyong dalawang flashdrive na ibinigay ni Mama sa akin. Si Mama, tulad ng marami pang ina ay parang isang flashdrive, marami mang virus sa buhay ay kinakaya pa rin. Scan mo naman siya. Iopen mo na rin ang mga salitang "I love you." Isave mo ah. At icopy mo na rin para di na talaga mawala. Kasi once na ieject o idelete siya ni God, o kaya naman ay magkaroon ng brown-out, tiyak na ang buhay mo ay magiging isang blank document na naman, mahirap simulan at mahirap tapusin.
Marami nang utang si Mama pero mas marami na akong utang sa kanya. Ngayon nga ay hindi ko lubos maisip kung paanong marupok at kumakalas na ang kanyang mga buto ay pilit pa rin siyang pumapasok para lang sa amin.
Now, I would like to say
sorry to you, Mama. Sorry if ever I shouted on you whenever I need to repeat the words you need to hear and understand. Sorry for not appreciating your efforts to make us smile. Sorry for not thanking you for everything you did for me. Sorry for being a sloth. Sorry for complaining. Sorry for
my words. Sorry for being a spendthrift. Sorry for being a liar. Sorry for
everything. I know I have become a prodigal son.
I know I have given you wounds in your heart yet I hope these words may at least put a band-aid in your heart to cover those scars.
I know I have given you wounds in your heart yet I hope these words may at least put a band-aid in your heart to cover those scars.
“Mahal ko po kayo.”
Thank you for the genes.
Thank you for the efforts. Thank you for the time. Thank you for everything.
Ma, do I make you proud? Ma, I have a special someone, a crush and I hope you
ask me about this so that you can know. Ma, I wanna grow old with you. Yes, I
will really work hard for you. You are a super mom, nanay na, tatay pa.
I still wonder why God give mothers only two hands. And yes, I will always be
your biggest fan for you are my idol- isang inang pilit na itinatayo ang isang tahanang walang haligi.
"Nobody knows of the work it
makes
To keep the home together
Nobody knows of the step it
takes
Nobody knows but mother
When it comes to love
Mama is the word
For all the ways you’ve
helped me grow
I want to say I love you
so."
An Irish proverb goes on
like this, “A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his
mother the longest.”
It was indeed a noble truth
that all of us, by chance, were all once children. But by choice, not all of us
become parents. Mothers are the pivot on which the family spins. Mothers are
the pivot on which the world spins. A cardinal have once said, “A mother is she
who can take the place of all others but whose place no one can take place.”
I would always be your Papay
Tinapay, a name you had given me for being your son who love breads.With your care, with your grace, with your love, everyday, I am so proud that you are my mother. Everyday is a mother's day.
The Jews always believe,
“God could not be everywhere so He created mothers.” Thank you Lord for giving
us a word called mother, a person known as mother. We only have one mother in
this world, one life. So don’t wait for tomorrow to tell your Mama you love
her.
What I am today, who I am today,
where I am today, I owe it all to my mother dear. I know at the end, Mama will
soon not be able to write the diary of my life, but to write this entry, my first
official entry in this length will always be the best right thing I have ever
did in my life. And thank you God, thank you Mama for writing the diary of my
life.
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